I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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