Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
