3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
