There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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