This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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