My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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