And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
