I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
