Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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