I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
