he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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