Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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