I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
