You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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