I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
