Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
