apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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