she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You are a genius and a whore.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
