I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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