i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So many bounce houses so little time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
