i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
There r osticjed everywhere
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need to calm my uterus...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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