Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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