she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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