Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do vagina's smell?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
