do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
