Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
