I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
