im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
