Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
