Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
