While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
