I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
