i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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