so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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