Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
