I intend to get homeless drunk
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
