This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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