walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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