It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
