I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
