Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
