Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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