I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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