Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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