All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize