you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
