She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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