; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
