you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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