It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
