i would punch a child for taco bell
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We have started to decorate penises.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
