My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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