You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
