I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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