so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
