All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
