You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
