hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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