I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
