You really coming over, don't trick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
