The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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