So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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