Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
